If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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