He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Two words: blizzard sex
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
