it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
