He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Houston, we have a blender
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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