just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
