yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
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