he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
