Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
