I want to have your abortion
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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