i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
