also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
nutella sex= disaster
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I need water and some morals
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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