Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
