I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
