I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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