I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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