I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
