Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
