watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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