You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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