We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
