Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm too high and old for this...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
