I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
