best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
