Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
