Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
