She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
