Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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