Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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