On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I want her autograph on my taint
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
