I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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