she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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