Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
