Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
