6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
