party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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