Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
