talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
