I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
