Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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