i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
babies were throwing up all over the place
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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