Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize