im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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