You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
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You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
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Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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