Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
