i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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