you turned your livingroom into a bong?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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