Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
