oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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