Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
