You were right. It hurts to walk today.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
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