Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
