So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
