i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
