had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
