I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
