...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
