i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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