watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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