Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
