I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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