You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
you never un-have a 4some
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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