His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
someone threw a dead crab at me
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
