i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
