Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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