who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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