i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
