oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
