Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the condom got lost in my hair
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
