You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
