He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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