I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
