I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
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Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
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you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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