this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
