it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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