you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
