Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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